


Boobie

by Donya



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Donya's kind of a fluffy fic, Fluff, Gen, Humour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:32:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony struggles with the unexpected enemy- his child's pacifier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boobie

Tony never suspected he would use his ninja skills to pacify a baby. Actually, he didn't plan to have a baby in the first place. But there it was, a hellishly stubborn little guy that could wear out anyone within seconds.

As soon as the baby arrived, Tony turned into an all-knowing parent. Why would he listen to others and their kind advice on how to handle a newborn? Months later, he bitterly admitted he had make a huge mistake. His son, affectionately nicknamed Boobie, became addicted to a pacifier. He would not fall asleep without it and nothing could be done to wean him of his this habit. Boobie would stay awake till three in the morning, glaring daggers at Tony and letting out short, loud grunts of displeasure, waiting for his dummy. Slow rocking, half-whispered lullabies, white noise, dim light, complete darkness, none of those soothed baby Boobie enough for him to let go and finally close his eyes. He began to crawl only to search for his rubbery friend, correctly guessing that Tony hid the pacifier somewhere.

Bobbie turned one, he was given his first toothbrush and still sucked on his pacifier vigorously. He could finally taste honey and most often ate whatever Tony was having but apparently considered himself a baby. At eighteen months, his vocabulary consisted of at least ten words, all highly functional, he became friends with his shiny potty, yet the damned pacifier was still there, in his mouth.

'That's it, say bye bye to your dummy!' Tony yelled louder than necessary but he was making arrangements for Boobie's second birthday and all of a sudden realised what a failure of a father he was. A two-year-old with a pacifier would be laughed at the daycare by much more developed and independent toddlers. After a brief but emotional fight, Tony grabbed the object of his hatred and threw it away. Bobbie gasped out in shock, taken aback by his father's cruelty and his lack of consideration. Dramatically loud wailing, interrupted by shaky 'not, not', Boobie's way of saying no, once again reminded Tony that despite his efforts, he disappointed his child. How? Why? He only wanted to comfort Boobie and that was the result. A spoilt little brat that throwing a tantrum in the most embarrassing and infuriating way.

Tony hoped that with time Boobie would forget about his pacifier. It could happen, right? Encouragements and promises of luxurious gifts or tons of junk food didn't interest Boobie, he still preferred his dummy. The only improvement was that Tony began to remove the pacifier from Boobie's mouth once the boy was asleep.

That was a complicated procedure, one false move meant a total disaster. Tony would read Boobie a goodnight story and sing a lullaby, whisper tenderly, 'Go the fuck to sleep already, fucking fuck,' and wait. Bobbie usually stared at him, sensing Tony's anxiety, the pacifier was moving and loud sucking noises filled the silence when Tony stopped talking not to give Boobie any more stimuli. Around ten minutes of such battle of nerves was enough for Boobie to give in and finally doze off. That was the tricky part, Tony had to find the right moment to take the pacifier without waking Boobie. Holding his breath, Tony would reach out and gently ease the dummy out, having learnt the hard way that yanking out was just terribly risky. And then the longest seconds of the unbearable tension, Tony would freeze and pray wordlessly, waiting for Boobie's reaction or lack thereof. Most often he only heard a quiet sigh or a single sob. But that wasn't the end yet- Tony had to sneak out of Boobie's room. Barefoot, tiptoeing, stopping every now and then to see if Boobie's eyes were still closed. The last difficulty- closing the door behind him as slowly and quietly as possible and then Tony was free. He could fall on the couch, recall how many times Boobie asked after his mother that day and weep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Jacob, one, is nicknamed Kubi but to me it totally sounds like Boobie, so I call this poor little fellow Boobie, feeling just slightly guilty. It's hilarious, 'Oh you little Boobie, come here, Boob!'


End file.
